What Happens When A Southern-Fried Mesomorph Marries A Low-Carb Endomorph? Part 2 of 2

Bodytypes of Men: Ectomorph, Mesomorph, and Endomorph

The complexity is only highlighted, as one understands… 

Over a decade ago, a team of doctors gave me a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, and Borderline Lupus. The crippling came on overnight. I could barely function.  In a flash, everything changed for me. Exercise became increasingly painful and avoided. Sleep did not refresh me when my pain eased enough to drift. My mind felt as if it was constantly in a fog and I could not recall common vocabulary mid-sentence. Dieting seemed useless, as I tortured myself only to find the scale would not budge. 

As I began to eat low-glycemic index foods, keeping my sugars to a minimum, I saw the scale move in my favor. It was extremely slow. If I dropped more carbs and stuck with healthy protein choices, my fat melted away. My fatigue and pain would lessen and I could increase exercise. I began supplementing with magnesium and found my Fibromyalgia pain was controllable. 

Sticking to this “healthy” plan came in waves. When my husband worked out-of-town, I always lost a good chunk of fat. When he returned, my weight also returned home. My husband believes I am sneaking abundant food behind his back once he gets home. He does not grasp my struggle. Nor do many of my friends. My well-intentioned friends who insist if I attended Weight Watchers I would lose the weight. They cannot believe I have stuck to the Weight Watchers diet in the past several times and still felt horrible and did not lose weight. I despair that some of those closest to me, who do not live in my shoes, doubt this is true. 

Thus, I am on the horns of a dilemma. It may seem impossible to solve. I cannot rid my home of junk food to make eating healthy easier. I envy women who have husbands who allow them to toss the junk food out and cook healthy. I resent their advice to do the same, when it is not an option. 

I must cook refined foods for my husband or it puts a horrible strain on my marriage and the family unit. My choice is to keep peace with my husband by preparing killer foods, which leaves me fat and miserable, or to split from my husband in order to feel alive and be healthy. However, as logic would have it, there are usually more than the two obvious options. Brainstorming is opening new doors or modifying the existing ones. 

The truth be told, I hate who I have become. This is influencing every area of my life. My health has deteriorated over the last decade since my diagnosis, with major emphasis on the last two years. I am at the crossroads. The paths lead to life or death.

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My Sin of Circumstance

Medical issues for obesity

“Yet are my sins not those of circumstance?” ~Lytton~

Either way I look at it, I never imagined my scale would register this high. I am a middle-aged woman in my forties who stands 5’6”/168 cm tall. Most of this excess weight reshaped my body in less than 2 years. 

Yes, I was somewhat overweight to start, as I have struggled since my 4th pregnancy in 2001, but I was not obese. However, I gained almost 60 lbs in two months over 2007-2008. The last 22 pounds just continues to add upon my overburdened frame. Up until my pregnancy in 2000-2001, I was keeping my weight between 125-135. I have had to workout through aerobics (running) and weight lifting most of my life just to keep from being fat. Since I was a teen, I have struggled with carbs packing fat on my body, if I did not exercise, exercise, exercise. Yet in 2001 I was diagnosed with some health issues and could barely move without excruciating pain, thus I had become overweight.

 Nothing had really changed in my eating or my amounts when my weight jumped so drastically in 2008-2009. In fact, at the time I had given up drinking sweetened soda pop and replaced it with water, saving soda pop as the occasional treat, instead of my daily beverage of choice.

Indubitably, this is an exacting blog to author. The outside often reflects struggles inside. My weight is from both physical health issues and my mindset.  I come before you as a baby naked from the womb, completely exposed of my shortcomings. I share with you my struggles to find answers. Some of the responses only lend themselves to more frustration. 

Frustration as in, if I know the answer, but I cannot bring it to pass. I have no other option but to brainstorm a new solution that functions for my circumstances. We all work around differing stipulations. There is not a one size fits all in our responses. The very reason many diet plans do not work long term. The dieter must change in order to fit the diet plan, instead of the protocol transforming to fit the unique individual. 

I cannot and will not continue to live in this manner of self-defeat.  I have a set of complications before me that make this change discouraging. Impossibility colors the issues that escalate my weight. I seek a new crayon called “conquer” that can eclipse impossibility.   

My resolve is the catalyst to feeling alive again. Will you journey with me as I leave this path of self-destruction and adventure towards self-fulfillment?

Published in: on January 20, 2010 at 6:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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