My Sin of Circumstance

Medical issues for obesity

“Yet are my sins not those of circumstance?” ~Lytton~

Either way I look at it, I never imagined my scale would register this high. I am a middle-aged woman in my forties who stands 5’6”/168 cm tall. Most of this excess weight reshaped my body in less than 2 years. 

Yes, I was somewhat overweight to start, as I have struggled since my 4th pregnancy in 2001, but I was not obese. However, I gained almost 60 lbs in two months over 2007-2008. The last 22 pounds just continues to add upon my overburdened frame. Up until my pregnancy in 2000-2001, I was keeping my weight between 125-135. I have had to workout through aerobics (running) and weight lifting most of my life just to keep from being fat. Since I was a teen, I have struggled with carbs packing fat on my body, if I did not exercise, exercise, exercise. Yet in 2001 I was diagnosed with some health issues and could barely move without excruciating pain, thus I had become overweight.

 Nothing had really changed in my eating or my amounts when my weight jumped so drastically in 2008-2009. In fact, at the time I had given up drinking sweetened soda pop and replaced it with water, saving soda pop as the occasional treat, instead of my daily beverage of choice.

Indubitably, this is an exacting blog to author. The outside often reflects struggles inside. My weight is from both physical health issues and my mindset.  I come before you as a baby naked from the womb, completely exposed of my shortcomings. I share with you my struggles to find answers. Some of the responses only lend themselves to more frustration. 

Frustration as in, if I know the answer, but I cannot bring it to pass. I have no other option but to brainstorm a new solution that functions for my circumstances. We all work around differing stipulations. There is not a one size fits all in our responses. The very reason many diet plans do not work long term. The dieter must change in order to fit the diet plan, instead of the protocol transforming to fit the unique individual. 

I cannot and will not continue to live in this manner of self-defeat.  I have a set of complications before me that make this change discouraging. Impossibility colors the issues that escalate my weight. I seek a new crayon called “conquer” that can eclipse impossibility.   

My resolve is the catalyst to feeling alive again. Will you journey with me as I leave this path of self-destruction and adventure towards self-fulfillment?

Published in: on January 20, 2010 at 6:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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